From owner-madness@SJUVM.STJOHNS.EDU Sun Nov 12 23:09:20 1995 Return-Path: Received: from maelstrom.stjohns.edu by mail (8.6.12/Netcom) id XAA23554; Sun, 12 Nov 1995 23:09:17 -0800 Received: from maelstrom.stjohns.edu by maelstrom.stjohns.edu (LSMTP for OpenVMS v0.1a) with SMTP id 10D9319B ; Mon, 13 Nov 1995 3:10:36 -1300 Received: from SJUVM.STJOHNS.EDU by SJUVM.STJOHNS.EDU (LISTSERV release 1.8b) with NJE id 6467 for MADNESS@SJUVM.STJOHNS.EDU; Mon, 13 Nov 1995 00:34:03 -0500 Received: from SJUVM (NJE origin SMTP@SJUVM) by SJUVM.STJOHNS.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 6465; Sun, 12 Nov 1995 03:39:38 -0500 Received: from budapest.ozonline.com.au by SJUVM.stjohns.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R3) with TCP; Sun, 12 Nov 95 03:39:34 EST Received: from talk2_p6.ozonline.com.au (talk2_p6.ozonline.com.au [203.4.251.74]) by budapest.ozonline.com.au (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id TAA10423 for ; Sun, 12 Nov 1995 19:35:14 +1100 X-Sender: mstrong@pop.ozonline.com.au X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Version 1.4.3 Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Message-ID: <199511120835.TAA10423@budapest.ozonline.com.au> Date: Sun, 12 Nov 1995 19:35:14 +1100 Reply-To: User voices in public mental health Sender: User voices in public mental health From: Ria Strong Subject: Re: Self-harm To: Multiple recipients of list MADNESS Status: RO I used to self-harm a lot (burn, mostly-- sometimes cut). Several years ago, though, I vowed that I would stop. And I did!! :-) Stopping wasn't easy. At first, I thought about self-harm daily (if not hourly). Even now, I still think about it a fair bit, especially when I'm stressed out. But I _refuse_ to act on my thoughts!!! (I can be a stubborn bitch when I have to!) Why not self-harm? When I'm at my worst, and my thoughts at their most compelling, I find it hard to think of many reasons not to act on them (other than "It's not a good / healthy thing to do") A couple of months ago, I wrote to several relevant newsgroups (the abuse groups, alt.support.dissociation, alt.support.depression, etc) and asked people there for their "reasons not to self-harm". Here are some of the answers I got. Obviously, not all will be relevant for everybody-- take the ones you like, and leave the rest. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= REASONS NOT TO SELF-HARM: A COMPILATION LIST ------------------------------------------------------------------- : I deserve better than harming myself : I deserve to make myself happy. : Not harming myself is proof that I have choice over my actions. : Not harming myself is an act of basic self-respect and self-esteem. : Not harming myself breaks the abuse cycle-- my abuser harmed me back when I was little and had no choice, but now I can stop the abuse by no longer harming myself. : Not harming myself is self-empowerment. : Not harming myself is a way of honoring my gains as a survivor. : If I harm myself, then I have to live with the damage. : The thought of harming myself can give me pleasure, but actually harming myself would injure me, perhaps in a way that I could never heal from. : The pain from the damage of self-harm can only add to the pain I already have. : Pain can be cathartic, but self-damage can be a permanent injury that no catharsis will be able to heal. : Self-damage doesn't make my hurting go away-- though it may feel good for a while, in the long run it only makes it worse. : Self-damage is the voice of my perpetrator saying I am no good. If I harm myself, then part of me is agreeing with my perpetrator. : Harming myself doesn't make the pain go away, only makes it get worse. : If I don't harm myself, then I know the pain I feel isn't my fault. : If I harm myself, the pain from self-harm will become one more hurt that I will have to deal with. : If I harm myself, the pain from it will become confused with the pain which my abuser(s) caused to me. I don't want to be confused about who caused my pain. : I don't want to have to blame myself for hurting myself. Blame belongs on my abuser(s), not on me. : I choose to stop punishing myself by not harming myself. ------------------------------------------------------------------ : I hate the sight of blood, especially my own : I'd have to clean up the mess afterwards : If I self-harm, I will have to live with the scars ------------------------------------------------------------------ : Because I am not the enemy ------------------------------------------------------------------ : It doesn't do anything constructive : It doesn't make you feel better about yourself : It does reduce self-esteem and self-confidence : It aggravates the hell out of current issues, making you feel worse ------------------------------------------------------------------ : The beauty of who you are should not be taken away, not even a little bit : You deserve healing, not more pain : You are valued : All of us are stronger as you are stronger ------------------------------------------------------------------ : I deserve to make myself happy : I can choose to make myself safe : I can show myself respect every day ------------------------------------------------------------------ : I doesn't solve anything : It prevents me from feeling what is really wrong : It is a wierd thing to do =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Hope this helps someone. Ria :-) _,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_ Ria Strong (mstrong@ozonline.com.au) http://www.geopages.com/WestHollywood/1631 "Don't assume-- ask me!" _,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_,-*'*-,_